Certainly, similar fears can be found among vanilla couples, but among submissives, they are expressed much more intensely, which is why I am writing about them. Any fear a submissive experiences can not only spoil a session but also lead to a complete breakdown of trust, subsequently causing a bouquet of problems. Some fears are easily overcome, while others go unnoticed by the submissives themselves.
- Encountering a Malicious Maniac Instead of a Benevolent Sadist The fear of running into a real maniac is probably present in everyone who is attending a session for the first time. This is why it’s essential not to accept dubious invitations and to remember basic safety rules that every adult should know. By the way, you can find a lot of information online if you search carefully. If you are unsure about a potential partner, search for mentions of them on Yandex/Google. Check their ICQ number, email, and even their photo. Besides the fear of a maniac, you might also come across someone who just wants to have fun, derive pleasure, or even mock you. This is a threat only to those submissives who lack self-confidence and are afraid to resist from the start.
- Losing the Dominant This is not just losing a lover or a thematic partner; it’s much more than that. The problem here is that a connection with a Dominant forms much faster and stronger than with a vanilla partner in the same amount of time. Consequently, breaking this connection is much more painful. Apart from losing a loved and close person, there’s another side to it. Finding a genuinely suitable Dominant is extremely challenging. In general, good, experienced Tops are much scarcer than those willing to submit to them. Hence, there’s often the fear of losing an experienced thematic partner.
- Becoming an Object A common fear among novice submissives is that they will only be needed by the Dominant as an object, that they will cease to be of interest as individuals. This fear is mostly unfounded – a Dominant usually invests so much emotion and effort into their submissive that it would be strange to think they would lose interest. Of course, relationship breakups can happen; it’s a part of human life. Still, it should not involve turning the submissive into a silent toy.
- Craving for More After a few successful sessions, a submissive may desire a deeper relationship and fear rejection. Masters who conduct sessions may have regular submissives or vanilla partners. But while in vanilla relationships, a lover’s mistress can be aware for years that the man will not divorce, in the Scene, such fear can ruin a session because absolute trust is paramount between Power Exchange partners. Either accept it without suffering, or end the relationship and find another Top.
- Not Meeting the Dominant’s Desires The fear of doing something wrong, looking ridiculous, or angering the Dominant is quite evident among submissives. It’s not a fear of punishment for mistakes, which follows them, but the fear of disappointing the Dominant, the fear of not living up to their expectations. A good Dominant will never allow their submissive to be afraid of this because such fear can destroy any session instantly.
- Losing Their Place in Society Fear arises in D/s or L/s relationships. Submissives fear they will lose friends, acquaintances, or their connection to the outside world. This fear, like any other, needs to be addressed. Either prove that social connections don’t make up the entire world of the submissive, or make it clear that nothing will change outside the BDSM world unless the submissive wants it to.
All these fears, like many others, can be alleviated with the sincere attention of the Dominant.